Why do I even try?

True. I try like hell not to listen to him. He goes on bumping my head. But i remain focused. He bribes me with what i like. He threatens me to run away and never return. I try not to fall for his tactics. But finally i do. I pretend i will shoo him away, but that’s the whole problem. I pretend…

Just a scenario, perfectly captured by Dilbert:

Anyways this bloody culprit in Internet just doesn’t allow me to work my plans. I plan not to plan any plan, so that i don’t feel bad when this plan of not to plan goes helter-skelter, unplanned. Thanks a lot internet.

Let me explain a bit. I reach home with a plan to read my novel, just to find the internet ‘psst’ing at me. Calls me out to check my mails, read some scraps, check out some news on tech n all. And everyday i do fall for something or the other. I unknowingly, or that’s what i pretend, plug the cable on and surf through the net.

Actually i did well in between to overcome this weakness of mine. I never fell for anything of sorts. But again somehow he has caught another of my nerve. He actually works stepwise now. Makes me switch on the powerplug spike for charging my mobile. He knows i am pretending to be just charging the mobile and i will turn on the laptop next. And everytime he turns out to be right. I pretend to turn the laptop on just for a bit to work something out and shut it down. But he knows that is not going to happen. Once the laptop starts he reminds me of something i need to do on net. I again pretend not to be surfing the net but just using it for a moment. But in fact, thats what i turn out to be doing. Surfing the internet.

Sometimes i ask myself why do i even try. I know i am failing to boggle my mind away from this culprit. But somehow i think this is that cunning but wonderous buddy with whom you can neither subsist nor part. Yes, that’s what he is. Cunning, but wonderous.

Nine…

Nine… A number that has haunted me for more than a month. Would wake up with a stare at it. Take a shower, get ready and face the indolently eying number. Stagger while using it. Bump into it daily. On numerous incidents. Each one having a negative effect on my mood. Just adding to my already tangled life. Twisting it further. Something usual has happened today too. Today i.e. on 9th of this month. 9th. And hence this post.

Yeah i know. The prologue does seem a bit dramatized. But last part is indeed true. The normal routine things for last one-one n a half month have made me bump into ‘9′, unusually, a lot. And it has succeeded in screwing up my mood on most of the occasions.

First up. The most common and tiresome experience of my life. I have been staying on the ninth floor of a “still-under-construction” n beta version of a 15 floored guesthouse. Thats not all. Its each and every part was under development and testing at the same time. And we, the guests, were bloody testers.

Lets start with a moment to reach there. You say use lifts. Simple right? Not so soon. The 3000 capacity guest house just had a single lift working for major part of my stay. Best being 2. You say “whats the big deal”? Ok, this lift can be any one of the 10 lifts scattered at various different locations on the ground floor. You say “uhh now thats complex”. I say wait. Not all are on the ground floor. 2 are on first. Further take this. Each lift can take you only till/to a particular floor after or below which you have to scroll using stairs. Does that sound scary? Listen to this. The lifts were also in the “under-development-and-testing-part” list as most other parts and so had a most ill programmed chip fitted into her. Usual symptoms:

1. She used to wend  the 1st-> 0th floor path via 10th floor. That too without any entrant.
2. She used to suddenly halt its march on the most deserted floor, without sucking anyone in or puking anyone out.
3. She used to make you guess the time she would take to shut her doors for you. It ranged from sweet 10-20 secs after you are mounted or a quarter of a second by which you escaped getting crushed between her doors. (Yes she had no sensors to detect if you were in between her claws-like doors.)
4. She used to making a most ear-deafening moan if you make her wait for a little longer. (A typical girlish behavior. You are not allowed any mistake to be made on your part.)

By god’s grace i did reach the coveted 9th floor most of the times. The fact that it normally took me around 10 mins on average matters least considering what lied ahead. The floor was divided, in true sense, in 3 parts using wooden walls. So care had to be taken that you end up in your part. Else you had to crawl through the stair case. The corridors were mostly cementy because of its under contruction tags with most confusing directions (refer snap). Air conditioners in the room worked on random basis and when they did they made my teeths tremble with cold. The taps randomly decided the temperature of the water that come out. (I have got my bum burned once. No further explanations.) The mirror was situated at the darkest corner of the room with the most clearly visible part being my toe nail.

I have spent 44 days in this complete mystery house. There were other encounters with nine like never returned 9 rupees as change at the food terminals, 9 cubicals that i hopped along or the  9AM alarm that brought with it the invitation to begin the journey on mystery land of nine. The tales of these will follow up sometime later.

Finally there was just one saving grace i had with me which provided me the sole reason to go through this tortourous journey. People close to me know whom am speaking about. But i am observing a striking pattern there too. Each 9th of a month brings with it some problems. I can’t explain but it does. I hope this hauting effect of 9 stops pressing me to my limits. I hope it stops testing my patience. Signs are not too good. Post is published in the 9th hour of the second half of the day. Ninth hour. Nine.

Switching lives…

Yesterday i had quite a random dream. Random indeed it was. For the most part of it i was pretty happy about what i was experiencing. And suddenly i went blank. I would say the dream went blank. Making me befuddled. Completely perplexed. Full of queries, queries for myself to answer. But before i get into the dream itself, let me blabber my views on dreams in general.

Dreams are angels. Yes, they have the power to make you experience the bests and worsts of your life at the same time. Indeed we experience the dreams, not just see them. How else can you explain your turning, jumping, twisting, crawling, grawling in the sleep. We are experiencing the event, the dream. I myself have woken up thanking god for turning whatever i experienced into a dream. And then there are those times when i just put myself to sleep again, just to experience what remained incomplete, unexperienced.

Further, the dreams are mutable portkeys. I feel i change lives in dreams. Butterfly effect you can say. But there one can decide if he wants to change his life. Here i don’t. It all depends on my other self, the dreaming threaded me. If he wants me there, i go. Otherwise i just lay here, wake up and continue.

Details. Two threads, if dreaming together, show how the life each is experiencing. We exchange both the positives and negatives. Yes, if you notice, each dream comprises of both goods and bads. We experience some scenes of that life, both happened and yet to happen. Yucks and Wows. If both agree to switch, we switch.

Now you see this concept explains a lot of usualities. Take Deja Vu. Yes indeed it is that ‘yet-to-happen’ scene of the life. We experienced it in the dream before we made the shift. Those jerky wake ups. May be the other self just slapped me for spending such sucking life. Or may be i did it to him for his sucking life. Roaming with unknowns. Yes, you don’t afterall expect two me’s having the same set of friends. Those long nights can be the result of just a mismatch between timings of two threads. Same goes for the short nights.

I will stop. Remove your thinking caps and plunge into the dreamland with the view. You might find quite a few interesting answers.

Anyways back to my dream i dreamed yesterday. I dreamed i was a singer, i was singing well. (Ok, i never said the other me has to be “me”ish. He can indeed me quite contradictory to who i am right?) Audience were happy. I saw my struggle. I saw my first assignment. I was watching myself happy. I watched all the happy me’s. Nothing bad. No yucks. And suddenly it was blank. I don’t remember something like this happening earlier. The dreams changed. The places changed. I woke up suddenly. But it never happened that the dream turned blank, with me facing eternity full of whiteness.

Puzzled, I lay there, closed eyed and open minded, waiting for something to happen. But all in vain. Blank. Whiteness everywhere. Finally i woke up and tottered my way along … With mind full of questions. Unanswered question.

I blabber about …

Lets have a look at the word cloud for this random messy place. I am surprised to know that i blog most about “blog” and i “know” a lot too!!!

Courtesy: Wordle

Reduced activity

Yeah .. even i know my love for this buddy looks deteriorated. But i would say thats not the case. I am on task to bring in a new entity in world. Nah … no family planning stuff. Not so soon.

Am working on a ‘blogsite‘, been working late nights after office hours. Designing it. Filling sections up with interesting contents, interesting enough to read. Though not sure when i will be drafting the final version. But soon i will. To grab the peek in the site, you can surely find the link at this page itself. Open your search glasses and come visit me there.

Till that time, its reduced activity at this blog.

Gulped…

Tired. Bored. Empty-Skulled. I gulped another cup of cappuccino. And on my way back, i just churned my head out to find why do i usually drink coffee/tea.

The mentioned three properties are just few of the ones that make me amble towards the vending machine.  In reality, i feel i don’t need any reason for supping coffee. Earlier it was to make sure, with sleepy patches of time curling over my head, i don’t drivel down the office desk to the ground. But along my stroll through the professional life, the life itself mandated me to sip that muddy liquid each day on specified time. Now is the case that i feel tottery if i don’t drink the coffee at the time prescribed by my life.

I feel my life is getting hold of me. I feel it should be the other way round. I need to do something. I need to think. I need to drink a cup of coffee. But this time its non-prescrbed. Thats the start…

Else the day won’t be long when my situation would be as shown, with coffee howling “You used to gulp me because you wanted to. Stop gulping me because you have to”

Am still not dead…

Title sounds quite harsh, but i needed to be told that. Another day of incremental blunt looks at the same old view of my blog, and i thought am i “dead”. I, myself, am not sure why i didn’t post any posts in last few days and a month, but i really feel it has everything to do with my MTWThF-Office-Home routine. Each time i see the same old blog posts, i thought i need to motivate myself to start writing again. I tried everything. First thought of all the possible random, ’scribble’able points, came up with many and forgot about almost all of them, unpenned. I will note down the few still crawling in my volatile memory lane.

• My well thought “to-be bad” predictions of where world will stand after, say, 20 years (Hmmm motivation was a list of few predictions from biggies that went wrong. I think you need to predict harsh facts to be biggies. Doesn’t matter if they go wrong. That will further elevate my predictions and in turn my biggie status.)
• My untouched list of sources linkable to the Global Warming (This topic is on my hot list. My only concern is i lose atleast one bullet point from the list with each passing day. No surprises, as the global warming topic itself is warmed more than the warming earth. I fear the debatable issues have more threat of extinction than earth)
• My innovative ways to save our dear planet “earth” (Save as in save from so called Global Warming. Not save as in save from getting thrown out of solar system. Though i don’t want to post more of this, but few interesting questions did rise in my mind. If we threw Pluto out, where did the poor little chap go? Do the “Pluto” ions know that they are not the part of our solar system? Is our solar system their solar system or do they milk some other milky way? I guess i should stop here.)
• My view of our universe (“There was no big bang. There are no laws. There are no forces. There are no planets, no stars, no solar systems. There is no light. It’s just HIM. Unrevealing this summer” Are you still expecting something more? Dude.. thats all you get in a “Teaser”, you see )

All of the above, though being pretty random, just couldn’t motivate me. But as i was bluntly looking at my blog today, few striking facts about my previous post held my attention. First, my post was on Feb 14th, Mr.Valentine’s ’some’day. And topic was “Earn Security, but at a price… “. Though quite unintentional, but see what great sense it makes. Its this rosy day, that if you enjoy, you have to lose your liberty (control myself?? forget… ), equality (how dare one asks to be equal with the almighty partner), justice (when i know i have to agree that the person in front has to be right, whats the point asking for justice), freedom (what freedom can a criminal expect when he sentenced life imprisonment for himself). You do this and you sure will earn security, security for commitment. Just make sure you do burn your entirety.

Quality ‘Confidus’ for Softwares!!!

First thought one may get is what this title really mean. Truly speaking not something amazingly mind blogging. But I just kept scratching my bum over searching for the right word which i hardly could. So just replaced it with something sensefull and thought who cares. After all thats how new words are born and as an ardent user of English language its my even responsibility to add to its vast sea of gibberishes.

Ahh so backing to the topic, recently i heard about this CMM5 quality guru and an incident that happened with him. Forgive me I am bad at remembering the names. But anyways how does that really matter what you call him. In my senses lets say Mr D . This supposedly techie guy used to resurrect the importance of quality in software projects. It so happened that D had this kiddish habit of forcing his listeners into some situations and then try screw them when they answer. However this time around he promoted himself to a sadistic charm. He had a group of project leads as his listeners. Yawny as they always are, Mr D put them into a bit of critical situation. Here goes the conversation, obviously a spicy virtual one:

Mr D: Suppose you are boarding an aircraft which is a fully high tech one with Auto Pilot system, lights running all around, virtual air hostesses of shape and size of your choices. But the catch here is the whole software running is developed by your project group. There are no parachutes or any kind of emergency exit system. So in case your software fails, you rest in peace in your cosy container. Choice is yours; board the plane or pain your board.

Leads by now were pulled back to their senses. Seeing there life at stake, everyone hesitated to even walk in the aircraft. Their minds were running on a track somewhat as: “What the heck. Dude am least comfortable with aircrafts running with software developed by these geeks under me. Who knows these bastards left some untied piece inside. I don’t understand a shit and they don’t give a damn.” Actually speaking, Mr D was bubbling inside as this was his chance of scoring goal on quality. But suddenly a hand rose. Not only D but every single ‘D’umbo inside was shocked.

Mr D: Buddy lemme get it clear. Is it some kind of joke or you really are that confident. Dude this isn’t something what i expected. Tell me how are you so confident with your team. What do you run for so much quality control. Speak up before everyone leaves this room and rush to book a call with you.
The One(cool and yawny as always): Cool down man. Am least worried to board the aircraft. And I know nothing is gonna happen to me. Rather I am not gonna go anywhere. Just for the simple reason that if the aircraft is build by my team, it can never take off. Engines would never kick off.”

Just a midget silence and the whole room roared up into a huge burst of laughter. It got virtually transfered to a ball room where no one except performer cares how he perform. Mr D needed hardly anything to prove his point.

This whole lack of quality confidus (got something to do with confidence, but i though thats not the perfect word may rise to a level which would lead to a new breed of IT conversations. I am dressing it up. It would rise soon. Something by the name: Programmer’s Panico !!! Do hook up.

Quality ‘Confidus’ for Softwares!!!

First thought one may get is what this title really mean. Truly speaking not something amazingly mind blogging. But I just kept scratching my bum over searching for the right word which i hardly could. So just replaced it with something sensefull and thought who cares. After all thats how new words are born and as an ardent user of English language its my even responsibility to add to its vast sea of gibberishes.

Ahh so backing to the topic, recently i heard about this CMM5 quality guru and an incident that happened with him. Forgive me I am bad at remembering the names. But anyways how does that really matter what you call him. In my senses lets say Mr D . This supposedly techie guy used to resurrect the importance of quality in software projects. It so happened that D had this kiddish habit of forcing his listeners into some situations and then try screw them when they answer. However this time around he promoted himself to a sadistic charm. He had a group of project leads as his listeners. Yawny as they always are, Mr D put them into a bit of critical situation. Here goes the conversation, obviously a spicy virtual one:

Mr D: Suppose you are boarding an aircraft which is a fully high tech one with Auto Pilot system, lights running all around, virtual air hostesses of shape and size of your choices. But the catch here is the whole software running is developed by your project group. There are no parachutes or any kind of emergency exit system. So in case your software fails, you rest in peace in your cosy container. Choice is yours; board the plane or pain your board.

Leads by now were pulled back to their senses. Seeing there life at stake, everyone hesitated to even walk in the aircraft. Their minds were running on a track somewhat as: “What the heck. Dude am least comfortable with aircrafts running with software developed by these geeks under me. Who knows these bastards left some untied piece inside. I don’t understand a shit and they don’t give a damn.” Actually speaking, Mr D was bubbling inside as this was his chance of scoring goal on quality. But suddenly a hand rose. Not only D but every single ‘D’umbo inside was shocked.

Mr D: Buddy lemme get it clear. Is it some kind of joke or you really are that confident. Dude this isn’t something what i expected. Tell me how are you so confident with your team. What do you run for so much quality control. Speak up before everyone leaves this room and rush to book a call with you.
The One(cool and yawny as always): Cool down man. Am least worried to board the aircraft. And I know nothing is gonna happen to me. Rather I am not gonna go anywhere. Just for the simple reason that if the aircraft is build by my team, it can never take off. Engines would never kick off.”

Just a midget silence and the whole room roared up into a huge burst of laughter. It got virtually transfered to a ball room where no one except performer cares how he perform. Mr D needed hardly anything to prove his point.

This whole lack of quality confidus (got something to do with confidence, but i though thats not the perfect word may rise to a level which would lead to a new breed of IT conversations. I am dressing it up. It would rise soon. Something by the name: Programmer’s Panico !!! Do hook up.

Smoking N Choking out … Are we really???

Shave and bath sensibly? Walking even though you own a car? Use Recycle Bags? Switch to a small cars from SUV’s?

I have heard all these things a zillion times now. After all, the only answer my mind shouted was “Buddy, how does that matter. World’s not worried, let me be imperturbable on this too.” But then thought there are tons of other things i do perfunctory. To what extent does my following these things going to affect me. Not much really. So … Anyways what is this carbon footprint and why the damn i should care? Why Singapore is looked after as a place following well thought solutions? IBN does try and provide answers for these.

Indeed what the video tries to convey does seem quite convincing. But just when I was about to bend my mind to digest this all, I was struck with a thought. I wondered are we, the humans, only protagonists in the so called global warming saga? Does CO2 emission by human have a significant threat to our environment? Is there any such global warming threat being seen? Are predictions of climate change perfect and not a mere prejudice? Is it proved by experts that we are causing global warming? Is global warming really that bad? Will the money-gulping efforts to reduce the greenhouse gas emissions really stop climate from changing? Further, aren’t they just bursting the state’s budget? Rather, shouldn’t money be flowing towards perennial and pernicious threats? An article published in heartlander does try and provide an answer to these all. What it concludes is to follow the call to the common sense and just put this “Global Warming” Scam to end.

Further the movie below tries and put this whole saga under the name “a vested political interest creating panic” to turn more money towards climate science. CO2 indeed has very little to do with the climate change. I do feel even this view of scientists at other side of this scam needs to be looked at before we go and follow the call for morality.

Then what is the path for me to follow? At the end, I find just trapped in yet another polemic. Unable to figure out, which way to lead myself!!!